Choosing the single life

I have to admit, whenever I speak or write about my life, it tends to be mostly doom and gloom. To be fair, modern society really makes it seem like single life is somehow wrong or that only lesser people are engaged in it. So for a change, I am going to write about all the reasons why single life is awesome and with it, finally break out of the endless whining that I have been engaged in for the last few years.

Actually, there is only one reason why single life is king. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want to. I have no one to report to or consult with, no negotiations or planning in advance. I used this freedom for everything from travelling the world and random nights out to jumping out of a plane. I’m certain that if I kept waiting for people, I would still be waiting. I love the spontaneity and the unpredictability of it all which makes the experience so much better than if it was planned. I have complete control of my time and what I spend it on. No doing something just to please someone else. I work on whatever I want to do and none of it has to make sense or be acceptable.

As for romance, I have to admit that I have been pretty desperate for it in the past. A cocktail of self esteem issues meant that I was constantly questioning whether I was capable of or even deserved to be loved by someone. It was something that I had to prove to myself. But lately, I have started to realise that the problem is not with me but with statistics. Being me, I have a particular makeup of traits that can be attractive to someone. It’s just I haven’t met this person yet and being completely honest, the odds of finding a person who finds my configuration desirable is pretty lean in my current environment. I am a short, brown dude with random mood swings in a place where the stereotypes for beauty are none of that. So this is probably going to be a long and painful process, one in which I might not even be successful at in the end. But as is life the way I see it. There are no guarantees and I will never become one of those romantics who blindly believe in love. Instead, I will be the guy taking every chance I get the best I can.

The way I see it, I have two options now. Either, I do as society says and constantly try to escape the single life whilst complaining about my seemingly endless inability to do so. Or, I embrace it and make the most out of the independence and time I have been given to do what I really love just because I love doing it and get lost in my own pursuit, blind to all expectations and norms of the world. I choose the latter.

— Update 05.04.2020 —

If only everything in life was as easy as writing a blog post. Unfortunately, this is not a logical battle which I could simply reason myself out of. It’s a habit backed by anxiety and in the months since I wrote this, I have fallen back to the usual worries about about how my romantic life is going nowhere and how I am going to be alone forever despite whatever I do. I’ve had so many urges to rant about this but this post kept reminding me of the decision I took to not do that anymore. Accepting this is something that I will struggle with for some time and I look forward to the day where I can just live my life without caring about this. I really want it to be the day where this doesn’t bring me down and dictate most of the conversations I have with close friends. But that day is not today.